if you've only give me...

a little oF yOur aTtenTiOn...

a paRt of Your tIme...

eVEn jUSt a FRacTIon of secOnds...

tHen yOu'll seE...

and tHEn yOu wiLL seE..

iN mY eYEs yoU coULd sEe..

a SEcreT...

mY hEArt's SecREt...

bUt i GUesS.. that wIll nEver happeN... You Will never Ever sEE...You wiLL nEveR evER knOW..

my hEart's sEcrEt... a seCret that was mEant FOr yOU...

mahalin mo pa kaya akoh kung...

mahalin mo pa kaya akoh kung malalaman mo na....

madamot akoh... kasi gusto ko... akin lang ang atensyon moh...

pero pag nasa akin na ang atensyon moh... nahihiya naman ako sa'yo...

selosa akoh...

kasi gusto ko ako lang ang pinakikinggan mo...

gusto ko na pag nagsasalita ko nakatingin ka sa'kin...

at sa'kin lang

gusto kong nakikita ang reaksyon mo...

ang ekspresyon ng mukha mo... ang galaw ng mata mo...

ang bawat pag-galaw ng labi moh...

gusto kong makita kang tumawa...

mainis, mapikon, mabad-trip... malito...

gusto kitang tinitingnan kasi

pinahahalagahan ko ang bawat ekspresyong nakikita ko sa'yo...

kaya lang pag andyan ka na... nahihiya na ako...

nahihiya akong magkwento, nahihiya akong tumingin...

kaya tuloy tumatahimik na lang akoh...

possesive akoh kasi gusto ko akin ka lang...

kasi gusto kong andito lang lagi sa tabi moh...

gusto ko paglingon mo... ako ang makikita mo...

at ako lang...

kaya gusto ko... dito lang ako... malapit sa'yo...

pero ang totoo n'yan

duwag akoh...

takot ako sa ipis, sa daga... sa dilim, sa multo...

sa nakaraan at sa bukas...

takot akong harapin ang mga bagay na nangyari na

at sa mga bagay na mangyayari pa lang...

takot akong mahalin ka kasi iba naman ang mahal moh...

takot akong makasama ka ng matagal kasi...

takot akong mahulog pa ang loob ko sa'yo...

kasi iba ang mahal mo... at alam ko yun...

kaya nga natatakot ako na baka hindi ko matutunang palayain ang puso ko sa'yo...

takot akong sumugal kasi hindi ko alam kung panalo ba ako o talo...

pero ang pinaka-kinatatakutan ko sa lahat....

ang tuluyang mawala ka sa buhay ko...

marami pa sana akong gustong sabihin sa'yo...

nakikinig ka ba??

kung matatagalan mong tumingin sa mga mata ko...

sasabihin ko sa'yo ang nasa loob koh...

mamahalin moh pa kaya akoh???

kung malalaman mo na....

kOnTi lAng nAmaN eh...

bakit sya na naman??? bakit kasi palaging sya na lang ang nakikita mo huh??

bakit kasi palaging sya na lang ang pinapansin moh??? bakit palaging kung hindi sya… sila??

bakit hindi ako?? hindi ba pwedeng ako naman??

pansinin mo naman akoh kahit minsan lang…

yung atensyon na akin lang…

nakikinig naman ako sa’yo ah…?

palagi kitang pinapansin… inaalala…

palagi naman akong handang makinig sa’yo, ibigay ang atensyon ko???

kahit anong sabihin moh… kahit minsan hindi na ko maka-relate… kahit nakakaantok na… kahit wala ng kakwenta-kwenta… kahit lahat sila hindi na nakikinig…

andun pa rin akoh… nakikinig ng maigi sa’yo diba?? nag-re-react kahit…

ahh.. at ohh… lang… tumatawa kahit corny ang jokes mo… ngumingiti kapag ningingitian moh… nag-susugest…nag-che-cheer sa’yo…

kahit pa ang pinag-che-cheer ko ay yung mismong kaagaw ko sa puso’t atensyon moh…

ayos lang kahit masakit na… ang gusto ko lang naman ay konting atensyon mo… konting oras n kasama ka… yung akin lang talaga…

kasi nagseselos ako…

nagseselos ako sa kanya…

sa kanila…

kahit pa kaibigan din natin sila… kasi pati sila kaagaw ko sa atensyon mo…

hindi ko na nga hinihingi ang puso mo… hindi ko rin naman gustong solohin ang oras mo… konti lang ang hinihiling ko…

konting oras…

konting atensyon…

konting concern…

konting space lang ng puso mo

yung maramdaman ko lang kahit pano…kahit konti na may halaga rin ako sa’yo…

kahit kaibigan lang… masaya na ako…

kasi ang gusto ko ay yung makita kang masaya…

tumatawa… ngumingiti…

kahit pa ang Sya ang dahilan at hindi Ako… kaya nga kita tinutulungan… che-nicheer-up… pinapayuhan…

kasi alam ko naman na ang tanging makapagpapaligaya sa’yo… makapag-papangiti sa’yo…makapag-papatawa sa’yo at makabubuo ng araw mo ay SYA…

hindi ko kayang ibigay yun sa’yo… sya lang…

hindi ako… kundi sya…

Sya na KAIBIGAN KO…

whO aM i?

sometimes i think i am not who i am...

sometimes i think i don't know myself...

i am just being the person i'm supposed to be... but that's not me...

not the real me..

i am just being the person i want them to see...

the happy go lucky...

the easy-going and cool...

the nice and sweet...

the prim and proper...

the strong ... the fighter...

the tough girl...

i want them to see that...

that person is me...

but the truth is she's not me...

infact i don't know her... i concentrated in creating a person i want the world to see as me... and i'm proud of my creation...but now...

now i don't know who i am...

the real me...

i feel like i'm in the middle of nowhere...

and i can see nothing but darkness... i keep on searching... and i found no one... nothing but darkness... surrounding me... i cry for help... but no one hear me... I in fact could hear my own voice...

i feel so empty... why can't anyone understands me... why can't they hear me... why can't they see me...

they are my friends... my family... but they do not know me...

hahahah.... ahh i forgot to say... i don't even know myself as well... hahaha...

could anyone hear me...

could anyone see me...

could anyone understands me...

could anyone show me the real me??

does anyone here knows me!!!

i'm stUpiD...aGaiN!

“the hardest thing to do is to be next with someone you know you cannot have”

yeah.. but what else can i do?

even though it’s hurting me… down to my very core…

still, i’d rather be next to him that to be with someone i don’t want to be…

i know it’s crazy… i know i’m crazy…

i am one of the most stupid person in the land of stupidity… but hey!!

who are you to judge me?

who are you to blame me?

i am just a woman.. unintentionally fall inlove with her friend…

is there something wrong with that?

could that be called stupidity?

yeah… i know… but i really didn’t mean it…

if i could only teach my heart… i’d really would like to tell her to stop loving him because that’s insanity…

loving a person whom i know will not and will never love me back…

but i cannot… i was defeated by my own emotions… so…

if loving him is stupidity?

if loving him is wrong?

then so be it…

i’d rather be wrong than stop my stupid heart in her stupid love…

we can never be sure of the future… and

i’d really would like to know where my stupidity will take me…?

happy or sad?

i leave everything to GOD…

AnoTher sAd stOrY...

our's is just another sad story...

another failure...

another broken heart...

" once upon a time... i happen to pass by in PUP-SRE

my beloved Alma matter... where i am taking up my college degree...

there... i met a guy named _________

who eventually became my friend...

someone who became dearest to me...

and then... i never thought...

i have never been prepared... but one day...

i just found myself fallin...

i tried so hard to stop this stupid heart...

but she's just so stubborn... so

yeah... i fall in love with him...

and i hate my self for that...

because once i made a vow...

never to fall inlove again...

to a guy... to a friend... to someone who's inlove with someone else....

....

so...how should i end this story??

could somebody help me?

coz it's giving me headache and heartache...

should this story be...

"to be continued..."

or should it be...

"the end"

should i be happy and contented with this another sad story?

i wonder... when and how could i have a happy ending?

jzT anOthER dAY...wAsTed...

it is just another day...

another day for me...

to see him again...

see him laugh,smile, flirt...

to see him happy with his friends...

ohh... by the way, i am also his friend...

we talked a little... smile a little...

another day that i wasted a chance...

a chance to tell him what i really feel for him...

yeah.. i wasted another day, another chance... another hope...

and tomorrow will be just the same...

i will again

laugh with him...

smile with him...

talk to him...

about his life, his dream, his likes, his love, his girl...

...sigh*...

and tomorrow i will smile at him just the same... (a faked smile that is!)

and quietly cry inside my room afterwards...

that's my life...

that's my love...

that's my torment...

my sacrifice...

and soon... very soon...

i will get over him..

because i am starting to get tired...

i will let my heart..love him...hope for him...wait for him..

until it get tired and soon... soon after that...

i will let him go and i will move on and i will get over him and will not love him anymore...

but as for now...

just let me love him...

just now..

just for now...

alMost lOveR

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images
No
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

i'M taKen for graNted

i know i don't have the right to complain to him... as a matter of fact i don't have any right over him... he is just my friend... yeah... you know... we're just friend

but i thought that would be just enough for him to at least have a little concern over me... but sadly i think i am the only one assuming and hoping here... it seems that he really don't care...

i envy our other friend because he really care about them... i can see it... i can feel it... but when it comes to me... he's so cold... i have proven this because of what happened last September 10, 2008...

my group mates and i went into a mall to watched their idols in PDA (i really don't care about those amateur singers but since my group mates want to watch it... i come with them... it is also our bonding and relaxing time)...

we are having fun together... but he somehow didn't join us... he prefer to sit in the bench while waiting for the final three girls of PDA...

somehow i feel guilty because we always leave him alone with the laptop... but he's just so reluctant to join us... and we actually understand... we didn't force him...

finally... the final three arrived... and the younger sister of one of my group mates also arrived and join us while we take pictures etc....

it just so happen that he had a crush on that girl... my group mate's younger sister so no question about it...

unfortunately... at the middle of the event, the rain suddenly poured until the end of the said event...

worst... i don't have umbrella... only him and one of my group mates bring umbrella...(we are actually five including the younger sister and only 2 had umbrella)

i didn't asked for his umbrella so i really didn't mind if he offer it to our other group mate.. not minding if he will be the one getting soak in the rain...on our way home...(we're supposed to ride the same route which means we will both get soaked in the rain... i actually didn't expect him to lend his umbrella because of the same reason...)

that's fine with me... actually... i didn't mind getting soaked in the rain...
but what hurts me is that... he joined them in the separate route... in short... he left me alone...

the four of them took the same route... and i took the different route because that's the way to our home... me and him but he choose to be with them which means i was left alone...

i walked in the rain and get soaked... alone... i was alone in the jeep... in the front ride because no more space inside... and literally get soaked on the way...

i feel pity for myself... i feel sorry for myself...

i wonder why he have to join them and let me be with myself... i really don't mind if he didn't offer me his umbrella first because i didn't asked for it... but why did he have to leave me alone...?

i would like to be angry with him but i can't... because i liked him... and i'm jealous...

you really don't care about me... right kua ronelio?? because if you do... you shouldn't do that... if i happens to be majo or janel or charmagne or ate marianne or ela or ira or even rohanie... you wouldn't let me go home alone...

but i am just rlyn so you don't mind and you don't care...

i cry that night... it hurts when your friend or your love one is taking you for granted...

Love Hurts.... as it aLways doEs in Me....

it is so hard...

hard to breathe...

hard to live...


in lies...
in hopes...
in expectation...


to be a friend...
to be a lover...
to be a pretender...

love always hurts me...
it always give me the scar that takes so long to heal...

it's hard to say sorry...
thank you and
forgive me...

it hard to love someone secretly...

a love from a distance...
a love that could never be...

i never fall short of love but
it is love that always fall short of me...

it's hard to tell the truth...
to know the truth and
accept the truth...

but truth will set as free

so i asked myself
do you wanna be free?
or
continue to leave and hide in my shell
to avoid myself from more pain...
bruises and wound... cause by this stupid feelings??
what do they call this??
oh... yeah...
they call it LOVE...

DAMN IT!!!

help... because once again...
I'm falling...
help... because once again...
there's no one to catch me...

yeah... he's not here..
he's no where to find...

he let me fall...
when he's not willing to catch...

I'm so stupid to allow myself to fall again after I've tried so hard to gather myself after a great fall cause by the one i loved so deeply... yet unwilling to take and give my love back...

i'm alright now... i hopes so... i though so...

haha!!!


how ironic... when the one you love doesn't love you back and is also in love with someone who doesn't love him back...


hah!! that's life... that's love...

love is DamN...!!!!
and i'm such a stupid to believe again...

Competition of Love - MingEn FanFic Review

Competition of Love is one of my favorite fan fiction. this is a story about MingEn where in, in the story they were childhood best friend...
i like the fact that it is some how similar to Ying Ye 3+1 (wherein Ming Dao and Qiao En is also the leads.)
i love the story... in the beginning it is so light-hearted... it became little dramatic as the drama progresses.
i love how MingEn took care of each other since young as a friend though...

My favorite line:

"You are part of me. And I am part of you. We made up as a whole. You forgot la mah?” Ming Dao reminded her the phrase that they used to say when they were young. " (Chapter 16 part1)

this line is really so touching my favorite!!!... imagine if my guy best friend told me the same line? i've probably fall in love with him (unfortunately i don't have guy bestfriend... but a lot of guy buddies...)

the ending so sad... like what the doctor said:"Ohh… what a tragic for the family. One’s coming back to life while one’s leaving. Well… I guess this is the circle of life"

yep... maybe, that's life... life is so short and so uncertain.

Again it leaves me thinking?
Why is it that we love someone, we keeps on wishing that that someone give our love back... and when our wish is granted... we back out and didn't believe that that's possible?

when the magic of love already give way... we suddenly doubt it? is it because deep inside us... we are not able to love truly? because we are afraid... afraid that we might got hurt in the end...

"true love casteth away fear..."


it hurts a lot how Qiao En in the story loved Ming dao so much and yet, she didn't fought for that... she wasted so many chance to tell him her true feelings... worse he doubt the word of her childhood best friend whom she known all her life...
She doubt him when she finally confessed to her... she doubt him when he tries to explain to her... and yet deep inside her she badly want him... she love him more than anything else... and yet she doubt him??? how is that??? could love be that cruel....
the answer is no... it is actually Qiao En whose being cruel to herself...maybe because deep inside her, she doesn't want to be hurt, to risk her heart, to give it a try (to love and be loved by Ah Ming)... doesn't aware that the only one hurting her is herself.
in the end... she regret it... she regret the fact that she let the opportunity just passed her by... SAD and a lesson we must all learn.

Ming dao... he took Qiao En for granted, believing that she will always be there... unfortunately, the only permanent in the world is changes... and their relationship is not exempted... until he was threatened by the third person in the story(who happens to be Wu Zun) did he ever realize that Qiao En couldn't be there forever... i like the fact that he do fight for her... he tried so much to prove his feelings to his best friend... but it is just that he already hurt her so much that Qiao En didn't believed him... even if he didn't win her heart back (he also wasted so many opportunity) the fact that he try...he at least try... the most important thing is that he's willing to risk...though quite too late....

Again... for everyone who could read this post...

Don't let opportunity pass you by, if you love someone... tell him/her... tell them that you are happy when you're with them and sad when you're away... don't wait till tomorrow... that's too far away
Friendship is too valuable to wait another day!!

this is the link to the COmpetition of Love : author: cgrl80

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cgrl80_2/

I've realize

"the greatest irony in life is loving the right person at the wrong time and fighting for the right love when the right person is gone..."

i was moved rather touch again by this quotation written by an anonymous poet... it just made me realize again most of the common mistake us, human commits... we already know about it but like a stubborn child we still repeatedly did the same mistake... until our beloved's gone that we'll realize their value...

why? i wonder why we have the habit of constantly taking for granted all the things we knew important to us and instead we focus on the things that are less important but still gives us little satisfaction and brief happiness...

those thing that could give as long term happiness were set aside... oh human....