alMost lOveR

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images
No
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

i'M taKen for graNted

i know i don't have the right to complain to him... as a matter of fact i don't have any right over him... he is just my friend... yeah... you know... we're just friend

but i thought that would be just enough for him to at least have a little concern over me... but sadly i think i am the only one assuming and hoping here... it seems that he really don't care...

i envy our other friend because he really care about them... i can see it... i can feel it... but when it comes to me... he's so cold... i have proven this because of what happened last September 10, 2008...

my group mates and i went into a mall to watched their idols in PDA (i really don't care about those amateur singers but since my group mates want to watch it... i come with them... it is also our bonding and relaxing time)...

we are having fun together... but he somehow didn't join us... he prefer to sit in the bench while waiting for the final three girls of PDA...

somehow i feel guilty because we always leave him alone with the laptop... but he's just so reluctant to join us... and we actually understand... we didn't force him...

finally... the final three arrived... and the younger sister of one of my group mates also arrived and join us while we take pictures etc....

it just so happen that he had a crush on that girl... my group mate's younger sister so no question about it...

unfortunately... at the middle of the event, the rain suddenly poured until the end of the said event...

worst... i don't have umbrella... only him and one of my group mates bring umbrella...(we are actually five including the younger sister and only 2 had umbrella)

i didn't asked for his umbrella so i really didn't mind if he offer it to our other group mate.. not minding if he will be the one getting soak in the rain...on our way home...(we're supposed to ride the same route which means we will both get soaked in the rain... i actually didn't expect him to lend his umbrella because of the same reason...)

that's fine with me... actually... i didn't mind getting soaked in the rain...
but what hurts me is that... he joined them in the separate route... in short... he left me alone...

the four of them took the same route... and i took the different route because that's the way to our home... me and him but he choose to be with them which means i was left alone...

i walked in the rain and get soaked... alone... i was alone in the jeep... in the front ride because no more space inside... and literally get soaked on the way...

i feel pity for myself... i feel sorry for myself...

i wonder why he have to join them and let me be with myself... i really don't mind if he didn't offer me his umbrella first because i didn't asked for it... but why did he have to leave me alone...?

i would like to be angry with him but i can't... because i liked him... and i'm jealous...

you really don't care about me... right kua ronelio?? because if you do... you shouldn't do that... if i happens to be majo or janel or charmagne or ate marianne or ela or ira or even rohanie... you wouldn't let me go home alone...

but i am just rlyn so you don't mind and you don't care...

i cry that night... it hurts when your friend or your love one is taking you for granted...

Love Hurts.... as it aLways doEs in Me....

it is so hard...

hard to breathe...

hard to live...


in lies...
in hopes...
in expectation...


to be a friend...
to be a lover...
to be a pretender...

love always hurts me...
it always give me the scar that takes so long to heal...

it's hard to say sorry...
thank you and
forgive me...

it hard to love someone secretly...

a love from a distance...
a love that could never be...

i never fall short of love but
it is love that always fall short of me...

it's hard to tell the truth...
to know the truth and
accept the truth...

but truth will set as free

so i asked myself
do you wanna be free?
or
continue to leave and hide in my shell
to avoid myself from more pain...
bruises and wound... cause by this stupid feelings??
what do they call this??
oh... yeah...
they call it LOVE...

DAMN IT!!!

help... because once again...
I'm falling...
help... because once again...
there's no one to catch me...

yeah... he's not here..
he's no where to find...

he let me fall...
when he's not willing to catch...

I'm so stupid to allow myself to fall again after I've tried so hard to gather myself after a great fall cause by the one i loved so deeply... yet unwilling to take and give my love back...

i'm alright now... i hopes so... i though so...

haha!!!


how ironic... when the one you love doesn't love you back and is also in love with someone who doesn't love him back...


hah!! that's life... that's love...

love is DamN...!!!!
and i'm such a stupid to believe again...

Competition of Love - MingEn FanFic Review

Competition of Love is one of my favorite fan fiction. this is a story about MingEn where in, in the story they were childhood best friend...
i like the fact that it is some how similar to Ying Ye 3+1 (wherein Ming Dao and Qiao En is also the leads.)
i love the story... in the beginning it is so light-hearted... it became little dramatic as the drama progresses.
i love how MingEn took care of each other since young as a friend though...

My favorite line:

"You are part of me. And I am part of you. We made up as a whole. You forgot la mah?” Ming Dao reminded her the phrase that they used to say when they were young. " (Chapter 16 part1)

this line is really so touching my favorite!!!... imagine if my guy best friend told me the same line? i've probably fall in love with him (unfortunately i don't have guy bestfriend... but a lot of guy buddies...)

the ending so sad... like what the doctor said:"Ohh… what a tragic for the family. One’s coming back to life while one’s leaving. Well… I guess this is the circle of life"

yep... maybe, that's life... life is so short and so uncertain.

Again it leaves me thinking?
Why is it that we love someone, we keeps on wishing that that someone give our love back... and when our wish is granted... we back out and didn't believe that that's possible?

when the magic of love already give way... we suddenly doubt it? is it because deep inside us... we are not able to love truly? because we are afraid... afraid that we might got hurt in the end...

"true love casteth away fear..."


it hurts a lot how Qiao En in the story loved Ming dao so much and yet, she didn't fought for that... she wasted so many chance to tell him her true feelings... worse he doubt the word of her childhood best friend whom she known all her life...
She doubt him when she finally confessed to her... she doubt him when he tries to explain to her... and yet deep inside her she badly want him... she love him more than anything else... and yet she doubt him??? how is that??? could love be that cruel....
the answer is no... it is actually Qiao En whose being cruel to herself...maybe because deep inside her, she doesn't want to be hurt, to risk her heart, to give it a try (to love and be loved by Ah Ming)... doesn't aware that the only one hurting her is herself.
in the end... she regret it... she regret the fact that she let the opportunity just passed her by... SAD and a lesson we must all learn.

Ming dao... he took Qiao En for granted, believing that she will always be there... unfortunately, the only permanent in the world is changes... and their relationship is not exempted... until he was threatened by the third person in the story(who happens to be Wu Zun) did he ever realize that Qiao En couldn't be there forever... i like the fact that he do fight for her... he tried so much to prove his feelings to his best friend... but it is just that he already hurt her so much that Qiao En didn't believed him... even if he didn't win her heart back (he also wasted so many opportunity) the fact that he try...he at least try... the most important thing is that he's willing to risk...though quite too late....

Again... for everyone who could read this post...

Don't let opportunity pass you by, if you love someone... tell him/her... tell them that you are happy when you're with them and sad when you're away... don't wait till tomorrow... that's too far away
Friendship is too valuable to wait another day!!

this is the link to the COmpetition of Love : author: cgrl80

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cgrl80_2/

I've realize

"the greatest irony in life is loving the right person at the wrong time and fighting for the right love when the right person is gone..."

i was moved rather touch again by this quotation written by an anonymous poet... it just made me realize again most of the common mistake us, human commits... we already know about it but like a stubborn child we still repeatedly did the same mistake... until our beloved's gone that we'll realize their value...

why? i wonder why we have the habit of constantly taking for granted all the things we knew important to us and instead we focus on the things that are less important but still gives us little satisfaction and brief happiness...

those thing that could give as long term happiness were set aside... oh human....