if you've only give me...

a little oF yOur aTtenTiOn...

a paRt of Your tIme...

eVEn jUSt a FRacTIon of secOnds...

tHen yOu'll seE...

and tHEn yOu wiLL seE..

iN mY eYEs yoU coULd sEe..

a SEcreT...

mY hEArt's SecREt...

bUt i GUesS.. that wIll nEver happeN... You Will never Ever sEE...You wiLL nEveR evER knOW..

my hEart's sEcrEt... a seCret that was mEant FOr yOU...

mahalin mo pa kaya akoh kung...

mahalin mo pa kaya akoh kung malalaman mo na....

madamot akoh... kasi gusto ko... akin lang ang atensyon moh...

pero pag nasa akin na ang atensyon moh... nahihiya naman ako sa'yo...

selosa akoh...

kasi gusto ko ako lang ang pinakikinggan mo...

gusto ko na pag nagsasalita ko nakatingin ka sa'kin...

at sa'kin lang

gusto kong nakikita ang reaksyon mo...

ang ekspresyon ng mukha mo... ang galaw ng mata mo...

ang bawat pag-galaw ng labi moh...

gusto kong makita kang tumawa...

mainis, mapikon, mabad-trip... malito...

gusto kitang tinitingnan kasi

pinahahalagahan ko ang bawat ekspresyong nakikita ko sa'yo...

kaya lang pag andyan ka na... nahihiya na ako...

nahihiya akong magkwento, nahihiya akong tumingin...

kaya tuloy tumatahimik na lang akoh...

possesive akoh kasi gusto ko akin ka lang...

kasi gusto kong andito lang lagi sa tabi moh...

gusto ko paglingon mo... ako ang makikita mo...

at ako lang...

kaya gusto ko... dito lang ako... malapit sa'yo...

pero ang totoo n'yan

duwag akoh...

takot ako sa ipis, sa daga... sa dilim, sa multo...

sa nakaraan at sa bukas...

takot akong harapin ang mga bagay na nangyari na

at sa mga bagay na mangyayari pa lang...

takot akong mahalin ka kasi iba naman ang mahal moh...

takot akong makasama ka ng matagal kasi...

takot akong mahulog pa ang loob ko sa'yo...

kasi iba ang mahal mo... at alam ko yun...

kaya nga natatakot ako na baka hindi ko matutunang palayain ang puso ko sa'yo...

takot akong sumugal kasi hindi ko alam kung panalo ba ako o talo...

pero ang pinaka-kinatatakutan ko sa lahat....

ang tuluyang mawala ka sa buhay ko...

marami pa sana akong gustong sabihin sa'yo...

nakikinig ka ba??

kung matatagalan mong tumingin sa mga mata ko...

sasabihin ko sa'yo ang nasa loob koh...

mamahalin moh pa kaya akoh???

kung malalaman mo na....

kOnTi lAng nAmaN eh...

bakit sya na naman??? bakit kasi palaging sya na lang ang nakikita mo huh??

bakit kasi palaging sya na lang ang pinapansin moh??? bakit palaging kung hindi sya… sila??

bakit hindi ako?? hindi ba pwedeng ako naman??

pansinin mo naman akoh kahit minsan lang…

yung atensyon na akin lang…

nakikinig naman ako sa’yo ah…?

palagi kitang pinapansin… inaalala…

palagi naman akong handang makinig sa’yo, ibigay ang atensyon ko???

kahit anong sabihin moh… kahit minsan hindi na ko maka-relate… kahit nakakaantok na… kahit wala ng kakwenta-kwenta… kahit lahat sila hindi na nakikinig…

andun pa rin akoh… nakikinig ng maigi sa’yo diba?? nag-re-react kahit…

ahh.. at ohh… lang… tumatawa kahit corny ang jokes mo… ngumingiti kapag ningingitian moh… nag-susugest…nag-che-cheer sa’yo…

kahit pa ang pinag-che-cheer ko ay yung mismong kaagaw ko sa puso’t atensyon moh…

ayos lang kahit masakit na… ang gusto ko lang naman ay konting atensyon mo… konting oras n kasama ka… yung akin lang talaga…

kasi nagseselos ako…

nagseselos ako sa kanya…

sa kanila…

kahit pa kaibigan din natin sila… kasi pati sila kaagaw ko sa atensyon mo…

hindi ko na nga hinihingi ang puso mo… hindi ko rin naman gustong solohin ang oras mo… konti lang ang hinihiling ko…

konting oras…

konting atensyon…

konting concern…

konting space lang ng puso mo

yung maramdaman ko lang kahit pano…kahit konti na may halaga rin ako sa’yo…

kahit kaibigan lang… masaya na ako…

kasi ang gusto ko ay yung makita kang masaya…

tumatawa… ngumingiti…

kahit pa ang Sya ang dahilan at hindi Ako… kaya nga kita tinutulungan… che-nicheer-up… pinapayuhan…

kasi alam ko naman na ang tanging makapagpapaligaya sa’yo… makapag-papangiti sa’yo…makapag-papatawa sa’yo at makabubuo ng araw mo ay SYA…

hindi ko kayang ibigay yun sa’yo… sya lang…

hindi ako… kundi sya…

Sya na KAIBIGAN KO…

whO aM i?

sometimes i think i am not who i am...

sometimes i think i don't know myself...

i am just being the person i'm supposed to be... but that's not me...

not the real me..

i am just being the person i want them to see...

the happy go lucky...

the easy-going and cool...

the nice and sweet...

the prim and proper...

the strong ... the fighter...

the tough girl...

i want them to see that...

that person is me...

but the truth is she's not me...

infact i don't know her... i concentrated in creating a person i want the world to see as me... and i'm proud of my creation...but now...

now i don't know who i am...

the real me...

i feel like i'm in the middle of nowhere...

and i can see nothing but darkness... i keep on searching... and i found no one... nothing but darkness... surrounding me... i cry for help... but no one hear me... I in fact could hear my own voice...

i feel so empty... why can't anyone understands me... why can't they hear me... why can't they see me...

they are my friends... my family... but they do not know me...

hahahah.... ahh i forgot to say... i don't even know myself as well... hahaha...

could anyone hear me...

could anyone see me...

could anyone understands me...

could anyone show me the real me??

does anyone here knows me!!!

i'm stUpiD...aGaiN!

“the hardest thing to do is to be next with someone you know you cannot have”

yeah.. but what else can i do?

even though it’s hurting me… down to my very core…

still, i’d rather be next to him that to be with someone i don’t want to be…

i know it’s crazy… i know i’m crazy…

i am one of the most stupid person in the land of stupidity… but hey!!

who are you to judge me?

who are you to blame me?

i am just a woman.. unintentionally fall inlove with her friend…

is there something wrong with that?

could that be called stupidity?

yeah… i know… but i really didn’t mean it…

if i could only teach my heart… i’d really would like to tell her to stop loving him because that’s insanity…

loving a person whom i know will not and will never love me back…

but i cannot… i was defeated by my own emotions… so…

if loving him is stupidity?

if loving him is wrong?

then so be it…

i’d rather be wrong than stop my stupid heart in her stupid love…

we can never be sure of the future… and

i’d really would like to know where my stupidity will take me…?

happy or sad?

i leave everything to GOD…

AnoTher sAd stOrY...

our's is just another sad story...

another failure...

another broken heart...

" once upon a time... i happen to pass by in PUP-SRE

my beloved Alma matter... where i am taking up my college degree...

there... i met a guy named _________

who eventually became my friend...

someone who became dearest to me...

and then... i never thought...

i have never been prepared... but one day...

i just found myself fallin...

i tried so hard to stop this stupid heart...

but she's just so stubborn... so

yeah... i fall in love with him...

and i hate my self for that...

because once i made a vow...

never to fall inlove again...

to a guy... to a friend... to someone who's inlove with someone else....

....

so...how should i end this story??

could somebody help me?

coz it's giving me headache and heartache...

should this story be...

"to be continued..."

or should it be...

"the end"

should i be happy and contented with this another sad story?

i wonder... when and how could i have a happy ending?

jzT anOthER dAY...wAsTed...

it is just another day...

another day for me...

to see him again...

see him laugh,smile, flirt...

to see him happy with his friends...

ohh... by the way, i am also his friend...

we talked a little... smile a little...

another day that i wasted a chance...

a chance to tell him what i really feel for him...

yeah.. i wasted another day, another chance... another hope...

and tomorrow will be just the same...

i will again

laugh with him...

smile with him...

talk to him...

about his life, his dream, his likes, his love, his girl...

...sigh*...

and tomorrow i will smile at him just the same... (a faked smile that is!)

and quietly cry inside my room afterwards...

that's my life...

that's my love...

that's my torment...

my sacrifice...

and soon... very soon...

i will get over him..

because i am starting to get tired...

i will let my heart..love him...hope for him...wait for him..

until it get tired and soon... soon after that...

i will let him go and i will move on and i will get over him and will not love him anymore...

but as for now...

just let me love him...

just now..

just for now...